Computing Crackers

christmas-cracker-PIXABAY576254Here are some cracker jokes to slip in to those crackers at Christmas (or lessons year round) to make them a bit more of a computing cracker.

Here is a slide deck of some of our favourite jokes [PPTX] (also as a PDF to turn into posters)


Q. What says “Pieces of nine, Pieces of nine”?

A. A Parroty Error


Q. Why do computer scientists get confused between Halloween and Christmas?

A. Because Oct 31 = Dec 25


Q. Why is the number 237 magical?

A. Because it is Hex ED


A programmer, a software engineer and a theoretical computer scientist were driving to Swansea. Soon after crossing the Severn bridge in to Wales they saw a black sheep alone in a field. The programmer commented “That’s intriguing, Welsh sheep are black”. The software engineer sighed and said “No, some Welsh sheep are black, and we need to test more”. The theoretical computer scientist looked up from her book, and said “There exists in Wales at least one field in which there is at least one sheep which has at least one black side”.


Q. Where do snowmen keep their webpages?

A. On the Winternet!


[“hip”,”hip”]

– hip hip array!


Q. What did the John Lennon say to Paul McCartney when he complained about his bright Christmas tree?

A. L.E.D it be


Q. How did the lobstr make sure its virtual Christmas cards arrived ok?

A. By sending them with an Error-Correcting Cod.


Q. Imagine you are in a locked room with 100 killer robots wearing Santa costumes. How do you get out?

A. Just stop imagining!


Q. What’s black and white and red all over?

A. Liquid crystal pixels on a monochrome e-reader!


Q. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. It can’t be done. It’s a hardware problem.


There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.


Watched by a computer scientist, a biologist and a mathematician, a man and woman enter a house. A little later they see three people come out. The two scientists are each puzzled for a while but then the biologist, suddenly looks really happy and, exclaims “They must have reproduced”. The Computer Scientist, also looking pleased with herself, says “Ahh! there was a bug in the original counting algorithm – an initialization error”.  The mathematician, however, has been unperturbed by the whole thing and just remarks “If another person goes into the house, then the house will be empty.”


Two bits walked into an expensive bar, but were thrown out because they didn’t have enough for a byte.


There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary, those who don’t and those who count from 0.


An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, “Can I join you?”


There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary, those who don’t and those who didn’t expect this joke to be in ternary.


Q. Why is a quantum processor like messy hair?

A. Because both are a little entangled.


Q. What do you get if you cross a computer with an elephant?

A. Lots of memory


Q. Why do neurons in the brain enjoy texting?

A. because they like to send and receive lots of messages.


Q. What question can you never truthfully answer by saying yes?

A. Are you sound asleep?


Q. Why did the robot cross the road?

A. Because the chicken programmed it to.


Q. Which came first the chicken or the robot?

A. The chicken. Otherwise, who else would program the robot to cross the road?


Q. Which part of a bagpipe can do aerial surveillance?

A. The drone.

(A drone is the name of one of the pipes on a bagpipe).


Q. What did the overheating supercomputer say to the mainframe?

A. I’ve had a megaflop!!


The Raspberry PI said to the Beagle Bone, “HATs are cooler than capes”! The Beagle Bone replied, “But superheroes wear Capes!!” Then an Italian voice said, “I’ve been using shields way before any of you!!!”


5 Volts fall on the ground… bang!


Even numbers are NOT odd, they are just different.


Q. What did the computer worry about most at Halloween?

A. A byte from a vampire.


Q. What does the R in Recursion stand for?

A. Recursion.


Q. How easy is it to count in binary?

A. Its as easy as 01 10 11.


Russell to Whitehead “My Gödel is killing me”.


When cybernetics pioneer Norbert Weiner moved house his wife worried about how absent minded he was, so gave him a note giving directions to his new house when he went to work. Unfortunately by the end of the day he not only couldn’t remember their new address, he couldn’t remember where he put the note. Ever resourceful though he instead just went to his old neighbourhood where he approached a girl in the street and asked “Little girl could you tell me where the Weiner family who lived there moved to?” The girl replied “Yes daddy, Mummy said you’d be here and sent me to wait for you to take you home”.


Q. Why did the first program die?

A. It was executed.


Q. Why did the second program die?

A. It had a bug.


Q. Why shouldn’t doctors prescribe antibiotics to cure sick computers?

A. Because antibiotics have no effect on viruses.


Q. How many computer scientists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None, they can see fine by the light of their laptop.

OR

Q. How many helpdesk personnel does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None, we have the same model of lightbulb as you and ours is working fine.


And to finish here is a classic Not the Nine O’Clock News Sketch