Computing Crackers

christmas-cracker-PIXABAY576254Here are some cracker jokes to slip in to those crackers at christmas to make them a bit more of a computing cracker.


Q. Imagine you are in a locked room with 100 killer robots wearing Santa costumes. How do you get out?

A. Just stop imagining!


Q. What’s black and white and red all over?

A. Liquid crystal pixels on a monochrome e-reader!


Q. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. It can’t be done. It’s a hardware problem.


There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.


Watched by a computer scientist, a biologist and a mathematician, a man and woman enter a house. A little later they see three people come out. The two scientists are each puzzled for a while but then the biologist, suddenly looks really happy and, exclaims “They must have reproduced”. The Computer Scientist, also looking pleased with herself, says “Ahh! there was a bug in the original counting algorithm – an initialization error”.  The mathematician, however, has been unperturbed by the whole thing and just remarks “If another person goes into the house, then the house will be empty.”


Two bits walked into an expensive bar, but were thrown out because they didn’t have enough for a byte.


There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary, those who don’t and those who count from 0.


An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, “Can I join you?”


[“hip”,”hip”]

– hip hip array!


There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary, those who don’t and those who didn’t expect this joke to be in ternary.


Q. Why is a quantum processor like messy hair?

A. Because both are a little entangled.


Q. What do you get if you cross a computer with an elephant?

A. Lots of memory


Q. Why do neutrons in the brain enjoy texting?

A. because they like to send and receive lots of messages.


Q. What question can you never truthfully answer by saying yes?

A. Are you sound asleep?


Q. Why did the robot cross the road?

A. Because the chicken programmed it to.


Q. Which came first the chicken or the android?

A. The chicken. Otherwise, who else would program the android to cross the road?


Q. Which part of a bagpipe can do aerial surveillance?

A. The drone. (A drone is the name of one of the pipes on a bagpipe).